| SiGH..SHELLiE iSNT GUNNA BE WRiTiNG iN HERE F0R A WHiLE UNTiL MY LiFE 0R WHATEVER G0ES BACK T0 N0RMAL..G0D Y0U KN0W i HATE MYSELF RiGHT N0W..AND i SH0ULDNT..T0DAY WAS THE FiRST TiME iN A L0NG TiME i TH0UGHT THAT iF i WERE T0 DiE RiGHT N0W i W0ULDNT EVEN CARE..WTF iS WR0NG WiTH ME..iM 0NE 0F TH0SE PE0PLE THATS S0 AGAiNST WANTiNG T0 DiE AND YET iM SiTTiNG HERE THiNKiNG AB0UT iT..iTS N0T THAT i D0NT THiNK ANY0NE CARES..iTS JUST i FEEL LiKE EVERYTHiNGS G0iNG D0WN THE DRAiN WiTH EVERYTHiNG..iM SCARED AND S0 iNSECURE RiGHT N0W..AND THE 0NLiE REAS0N iM WRiTiNG ALL 0F THiS 0N MY XANGA iS BECAUSE i D0NT HAVE THE GUTS T0 TELL EVERY0NE H0W iM FEELiNG..AND MAYBE THATS MY FAULT..AHHH i FEEL LiKE RiPPiNG 0UT MY HAiR..iM S0 AFRAiD THAT iM GUNNA FAiL THiS YEAR 0R N0T EVEN FiNiSH HiGHSCH00L..iM AFRAiD MY DADS NEVER GUNNA TRUST ME AGAiN..THAT iM NEVER GUNNA GET iNT0 C0LLEGE AND EVEN iF i D0 iM NEVER GUNNA FiNiSH C0LLEGE F0R THAT MATTER AND iM JUST GUNNA BE WASTiNG MY DADS M0NEY..AND YET iM S0 TiRED 0F TRYiNG T0 BE PERFECT F0R MY PARENTS..iTS LiKE iM TRYiNG T0 BE PERFECT F0R EVERY0NE..AND i D0NT EVEN WANNA REALiZE THAT..i LiSTEN T0 EVERYTHiNG *S0ME0NE* TELLS ME JUST S0 S0 AND S0 W0NT GET MAD AT ME..AND MAYBE iTS JUST BECAUSE HE CARES ...AHH iM JUST S0 STUBB0RN RiGHT N0W....AHH AND i GUESS iM JUST AFRAiD 0F BEiNG.... A L 0 N E .... SiNCE iM GR0UNDED i FEEL LiKE i D0NT HAVE THE TiME T0 SPEND WiTH EDDiE THAT i WANT T0..0R MAYBE EVEN NEED T0..i GUESS i JUST FEEL LiKE iTS S0 HARD T0 L0VE ME..F0R EVERY0NE..F0R MY DAD..MY M0M..MY FRiENDS..EDDiE...0R MAYBE iM JUST BL0WiNG THiNGS WAY 0UT 0F PR0P0RTi0N..ND i FEEL LiKE EVERY GUY FR0M MY PAST iS iNTERFERiNG iN MY RELATi0NSHiP..EVEN iF THEY D0NT N0TiCE THATS WHAT THEiR D0iNG..AND iM USiNG T0 MANY ANDS..BUT 0NE 0F MY TEACHERS CALLED MY DAD AND T0LD HiM THAT i WAS SM0KiNG iN SCH00L?..WTH N0 TEACHER SAW ME SM0KiNG AT SCH00L AND i KN0W THAT F0R A FACT..THiS iS THE FiRST TiME SiNCE MY M0M LEFT ME THAT i FEEL LiKE G0D HATES ME..SiGH....i JUST WiSH EVERYTHiNG W0ULD G0 BACK T0 N0RMAL..........
THERES A DANGER iN L0ViNG S0ME0NE T00 MUCH// i FEEL LiKE iM FACiNG EVERYTHiNG AL0NE WiTH N0THiNG BUT TEARS AND A FAKE SMiLE 0N MY FACE..
LE0 iM S0RRY F0R THiNKiNG NEGATiVE..i JUST AHH EFF..i DUNN0 |
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| AHH SHELLiES S0 SiCK RiGHT N0W...GREAT..ND HAS A C0LDS0RE..ND T0 T0P iT ALL 0FF..MY DAD D0ESNT TRUST ME AGAiN F0R S0ME REAS0N..i D0NT UNDERSTAND HiM..i CALL HiM WHEN iM GUNNA BE LATE..0R WHEN iM N0T GUNNA C0ME H0ME..i D0 MY H0MEW0RK..i G0 T0 SCH00L..i CLEAN MY R00M ALL THE TiME BECAUSE HE WANTS ME T0..iM TAKiNG MY MEDiCATi0N EVERYDAY..i TRY N0T T0 YELL AT HiM WHEN HE YELLS AT ME..ND YET iM STiLL N0T <s>TRUSTW0RTHY</s>..i D0NT GET iT..AiSH iTS LiKE MY DAD THiNKS iM NEVER GUNNA CHANGE..i JUST D0NT WANNA HEAR WHAT HE HAS T0 SAY WHEN HE FiNDS 0UT THAT iM FAiLiNG Bi0L0GY..
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SHELLiE`S FALLiNG..........
 
 FEELS LiKE iM ALREADY THERE JUST KiNDA HARD T0 ADMiT..iTS S0 WEiRD..i DUNN0 WHY..i GUESS iM JUST AFRAiD 0F GETTiNG HURT..AND i D0NT SEE WHY i MEAN i TRUST HiM..iTS JUST Y0U KN0W EVERY0NES STiLL ALWAYS A LiTTLE SELF-C0NSCi0US WHEN iT C0MES T0 RELATi0NSHiPS..AHH iN S0ME CASES i FEEL LiKE iM A BAD PERS0N..i GET MAD S0 EASiLY..i TAKE EVERYTHiNG S0 SERi0US AND THATS 0NE 0F MY L0W P0iNTS..ND i REALLY NEED T0 CHANGE THAT..i D0NT KN0W..iM HAPPY RiGHT N0W..NEVER WANT iT T0 CHANGE.. [i PR0MiSE Y0U iM N0T LiKE ALL TH0SE 0THER GiRLS]
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| JAMiN T0: NEVER WANNA SAY G00DBYE-J0J0//
0KAY S0 THE S0ME 0F THiS S0NG iSNT TRUE BUT S0ME 0F iT iS..BUT YEAH Y0U GET THE PiCTURE..ANYWAYS..SCH00LS PiSSiNG ME 0FF BUT THATS N0THiNG NEW..BEEN STRESSED 0UT F0R A C0UPLE 0F DAYS BUT i THiNK iTS FiNE N0W..0R ATLEAST i KN0E..L0T 0F THiNGS SAiD ND MAYBE S0ME THiNGS THAT SH0ULD HAVE BEEN SAiD 0R SH0ULDNT HAVE i DUNN0..W0NT G0 iNT0 S0 MUCH DETAiL AB0UT THAT 0THER THEN THAT iM A HAPPY J0Y J0Y PERS0N
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S0METiMES i ALWAYS ASK G0D "WHY ME"...BUT THEN AGAiN i FEEL BAD F0R SAYiNG THAT CAUSE i KN0E THERES AL0T 0F PE0PLE 0UT THERE THAT HAVE iT W0RSE THEN i EVER DiD..iTS JUST LiFE JUST S0METiMES iSNT ALWAYS S0 FAiR..BUT i NEVER WANNA BLAME G0D F0R S0METHiNG THAT DiDNT G0 MY WAY..BECAUSE iTS MY FAULT N0T HiS..AS Y0U CAN TELL AGAiN THESE ARE 0NE 0F MY N0THiNGLESS TH0UGHTS..NEVER WANNA BLAME G0D CAUSE HE GAVE ME S0 MUCH...EVEN TH0UGH iVE HAD S0ME PRETTY T0UGH M0MENTS iN MY LiFE..i W0ULDNT BE ANYWHERE WiTH0UT MY FRiENDS..THEY ALWAYS PiCK ME UP WHEN iM FEELiNG D0WN..ND MAYBE S0METiMES TELL ME WHAT i WANNA HEAR iNSTEAD 0F WHAT i SH0ULD HEAR BUT M0ST 0F THE TiME i GET A G00D SLAP iN THE FACE WHEN i D0 S0METHiNG WR0NG AND JUST D0NT WANNA REALiZE iT..BUT ANYWAYS THERE WAS A REAS0N i WR0TE THiS BUT i JUST F0RG0T iT 0NCE i G0T T0 TALKiNG AB0UT ALL 0F THiS EXTRA CRAP L0L..BUT YEAH i GUESS iM TRYiNG T0 SAY D0NT TAKE ANYTHiNG F0R GRANTED?...Y0U REALLY NEVER KN0W WHAT Y0U HAVE UNTiL iTS G0NE..0R SEEMS LiKE iTS ALM0ST G0NE..ND N0 0NE SAiD LiFE WAS FAiR..iF S0ME0NE HAD A PERFECT LiFE i THiNK THAT W0ULD S0 B0RiNG..G0TTA HAVE S0ME DRAMA iN Y0UR LiFE RiGHT..AHH YEAH
N0 M0RE L0NELY N0 M0RE JUST ME
 B0REDD
 UHH WERE WEiRD
iTS THE NEXX DAY AND i ALREADY WR0TE SHiT..BUT i AM NEVER DRiNKiNG AGAiN..JESUS CHRiST..CRYED iN FR0NT 0F EVERY0NE AND ENDED UP THR0WiNG UP 0N THE WAY H0ME WiTH R0B AND EDDiE THERE..AiG00.. |
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